The Flight of Stars
by TarantellaEarth
Summary: Arthur chronicles his school life in alternatively poetic and whiny diary entries, containing such things as his overwhelming feelings for Alfred F. Jones, his adventures on a soccer team with a hockey player, fake girlfriends, and true love. USUK AU.
1. September

This can be accredited to my little cousin, who showed me a bunch of Taylor Swift songs. "I'd Lie" left an impression on me. I admit I never liked a guy enough to write poetry or songs about him but it seems a lot of girls can attribute that song to some guy in their life, to a point that it's almost common. Hours later I was looking through some fanfics and "fanfics" blended with this "I'd Lie," and…this.

It's two minutes past midnight as I begin this. Don't take it too hard if this turns out to be stupid, emotional bullshit.

This whole thing's in italics, by the way, because it's all (insertCOUGHhere) "poetry". Arthur's poetry doubles as his diary, and it's not much better than his food, okay? I warned you. Also, **first chapter contains a lot of wangst. This will fade. **

And for disclaimer purposes, and just for reference, here's the refrain to the song I did NOT create and definitely do NOT own, but merely inspired me to start this.

* * *

_And I could tell you_

_His favorite color's green_

_He likes to argue_

_Born on the 17__th_

_His sister's beautiful_

_He has his father's eyes_

_And if you asked me if I love him…_

_I'd lie._

* * *

September 1st

_Came back to school today_

_Back to sleeping five hours a night_

_This year's my last go-around, and hey, from the top of the chain, the freshman really do look small  
_

_Finding my first class, there was black on my left, fellow blonde too far away on my right_

_Kiku knew I was always looking to the right_

_I looked forward for all my classes, though_

_I looked and watched and absorbed the knowledge I love_

_Actually just a little bit more than him. _

_I think._

* * *

September 5th

_Got an A on the year's first test, my mum's familiar smile_

_Peter insisting I cheated on college-level French._

_I found the hidden notebook I'd already filled with nonsense_

_Found a space beneath _obsédé _and _pourquoi

_Thanked Kiku for teaching me his language so long ago and wrote down pained characters_

_Which turned out to be bullshit instead of heart-wrenching_

_I mean, I didn't even use correct grammar!_

_Thank god no one around here reads Japanese but lovesick fags._

* * *

September 9th

_Joined Scholar Bowl for the third year_

_Where the best and brightest show it off_

_Maybe he'll give a glance this time_

_If not, Kiku will offer his hand to catch my falling heart_

_And he knows I'll catch his_

_When he trips and falls _

_Because he was busy looking at his own god_

_Kiku's god smells like cats_

_But definitely looks like a god._

* * *

September 11th

_Today's the day of one of this country's worst tragedies_

_I was still in England then, but I watched the television _

_And thought that it was so far away from me_

_The closer you got, the more it must hurt, I thought, like any eight-year-old would_

_Now that this land is my home I pray for the torn families every year_

_Alfred is in Advanced World History with me_

_(His only advanced subject)_

_And he cried. _

_I sit on his left and I looked over to try and meet his eyes_

_Shaking in my boots_

_But he loves America more than me, of course_

_I know none of those tears were for me_

_But because of the day, I won't covet them_

* * *

September 14th

_I've been reading a lot lately_

_More than normal_

_(Christ, at least I'm not as obsessed as Annie Wilkes)_

_It seems that in the end the boy gets the girl, or the girl gets the boy_

_Or some happy, only-slightly-conflicted variation thereof_

_The boy never gets the boy_

_What the fuck's up with that?_

* * *

September 15th

_First football game of the season and guess who scored the first touchdown?_

_On the bleachers tonight, I pretended he could hear me say, _

"_I love you,"_

"_You're a fantastic athlete,"_

"_Your glasses are cute,"_

"_Need help with your Calculus?"_

"_God, you're beautiful,"_

"_You know my name, don't you?"_

"_You used to."_

_Even though I certainly didn't hear any of it myself._

_Katyusha, with her heart of gold, drove me home_

_And I read till dawn so my mind would be made of words and not stupid feelings_

_Max, I wish I had balls like you, to say what's been eating at me like maggots_

_Or Fang's beauty so he'd notice me_

_Is it weird that I'm okay with not having your wings?_

* * *

September 16th

_Went to Francis' house and regrettably declined his offer to watch porn_

_Dude's just a lech_

_I might actually end up needing it_

_He says he's thinking about joining the soccer team_

_(His girlfriend told him to)_

_And he said we should go to his backyard and practice_

_And I got the best fucking idea ever_

_We kicked the ball and yelled and fell for four hours_

_And I went home and crossed my fingers._

* * *

September 17th

_5'10 and 151 pounds _

_Determination and a bitchin' left kick_

_Apparently makes a good enough combination to get you on the soccer team_

_Francis didn't make it. Ha!_

_I met Matt, a shy little freshman who would marry hockey if it were a woman,_

_Says I've still got traces of an accent and too much temper_

_And is Alfred's younger brother._

_(How did I not know about him? Is he adopted?)_

_(No. They look so alike.)_

_I like Matt and I won't use him just to know more about his brother._

_Maybe only once a week._

* * *

September 19th

_Saturday, and I slept past eight in the morning for once._

_Huh. Weird._

_Kiku texted me, asking for a prayer_

_Which translates to his cousin Yong-soo coming for a visit  
_

_(Poor bastard)  
_

_The guy's funny, but has no sense of personal space...and thinks it's okay to feel up his cousin_

_For my part, I was employed/forced into helping my mother cook for her friend's party_

_Made the mac-and-cheese turn blue  
_

_Dunno what Peter made that seizure-face for, it tasted fine!  
_

* * *

September 21st

_I had soccer practice today_

_Mum told Peter he should grow up like me:_

_Intelligent, athletic, well-read, multilingual, endearing, handsome, etc._

_Alfred, what the hell else do I have to be?_

_It hurts so badly to be perfect in the eyes of one_

_And to not even exist in another's_

_I didn't want this to affect my performance today_

_So I kicked the ball a little too hard_

_And hit Coach Rome in the face._

_Whoops._

* * *

September 22nd

_It's cruel to be excessively nice to someone_

_And milk them for what you want later_

_So I found Matt at his locker before lunch and cut to the chase._

"_Does your brother know me?"_

_He's wise for a fifteen year old and I know he understood_

_He said he remembered me coming over to play, years ago, (I said I remembered him, too...uhh…) so why wouldn't Alfred?_

_I remember those days so clearly_

_Throwing baseballs together in his driveway_

_Sneaking Coke when his father told us we could have the Sunny-D _

_And one day I wasn't good enough for him anymore_

_I'd give anything to be like that again_

_Together. His favorite. At his home…like I was also a part of it. His friend. His._

_I read myself to sleep_

_Woke up when I felt Mum drying my tears._

* * *

September 25th

_Our first big Scholar Bowl competition was today_

_Against Rayfield, the school in the next town over, for rich little bigots_

"_And, next question for Rayfield, the term for a substance that cannot be dissolved or liquefied?"_

_And Cheerleader Lana slams her hand down on the buzzer: "Nonsoluble!"_

_Kiku and I fell over and practically cried; Lana's team tried not to._

_Stupid bitch, everyone knows it's "insoluble"! _

_Hetalia won and Rayfield lost. _

_We all went to a nice Italian restaurant after_

_Spaghetti tastes like fucking __VICTORY. __  
_

* * *

September 27th

_The weekend and I'm fed up with studying_

_I went out and was going to take the town's only bus to the mall, specifically, Borders_

_Thought I'd pick up something on fairies or mythical creatures_

_(They're bothering me again)_

_And my heart literally stopped when I saw him waiting for the bus, too._

_He had his brown jacket and his smile, all he ever needed_

_I went up and just said hey._

_He said, "Who are you?"_

_I pretended I was pissed because we're in history together and he should know that by now, a month into the school year_

_He laughed and said he remembered me:_

"_Yeah, you're the kid with the cute British accent!"_

_He didn't sit next to me on the bus._

_He got on before me, and smiled and waved as he stepped up._

_Smiled so beautiful._

_It nearly made me forget that he initially didn't know who I was. _

_He said I was cute._

_Fucking, bloody god...  
_

* * *

September 30th

_Kiku was at the lunch table before me, like always_

_Doodling cats in the back of his notebook, like he does about once a week_

"_You talk with Heracles today?"_

_Kiku's eyes remain dark, hidden, but he says they were partnered up to do a worksheet in English last period_

_I was about to get my food when he added: "He knows I draw; I told him I'd draw a black Persian for him."_

_My mouth crooked up in a smile I know I haven't used in a long time_

_Lucky guy. He's making progress, or scraps of it._

_How many more years before I get to do that?_

* * *

I'm already enjoying this…because it's so easy to write! I can fill up a page and hardly notice!

This first chapter, typical of love I assume, was basically filled up with Arthur's heartache. It gets better. I originally intended this to be a one-shot, but couldn't stand to have it end so fast. I like to put character into any story I write, for example, the fact that Arthur likes to read, especially to distract himself (and being a soccer player, which, yes, I _did _first think of by hearing about England and America's tied FIFA game) Fitting in character is pretty hard in this type of format, so I'd like to extend this story now to a month-by-month basis. As in, next month will be October. Not like I'll be updating once a month.

Btw, for those who don't know what Arthur means by "scholar bowl", it's basically a kind of club/organization where you answer tough trivia questions. You and your team will fight against another school team, and the first one to answer something like "Who was the first female winner of the Nobel Peace Prize?" gets a point. Rinse and repeat, get a winner, get a trophy, etc.

Hope to see you in Chapter Two~


	2. October

Poor England…your one-to-four game with Germany was a good attempt anyway. I called my father in Germany to settle some details about my oncoming trip there, and at first I couldn't hear him because he was in the street where Germans were running around, cheering, drinking and loudly blowing red-yellow-and-black vuvuzelas (for real) and in general just having a ball. Ignore those blissful, celebratory Germans, England, you made it far!

In more relative news…um…here's October! Since "Hetalia" is a high school here, I gave them school colors: red and black, which is more threatening and badass than the Italy-esque red and green I first considered. Also Arthur does a project on a French artist who doesn't actually exist, so you who take French classes, don't say I misspelled some artist's name. He's not real.

* * *

October 2nd

_Friday, and our third football game of the season_

_I would have liked to be there, with my cheeks painted red and black_

_Couldn't make it due to Peter's play, though_

_He's loud and likes to be noticed, so for him, acting is both showing off and getting off_

_Okay that sounded bad._

_I love my little brother, all thirteen years of him and every (not really) time he couldn't shut the fuck up_

_You know, he makes an appropriately airy and mischievous Puck_

_Most of the audience thought so, too, and his crazy-intricate costume gave added flair_

_Not that Shakespeare needs flair, his works are pieces of art all on their own!_

_Once it was over, he jumped off the stage and hugged Mum and me_

"_Did I do good? Huh? I loved my last line, did I restore amends or WHAT?"_

_Suddenly he was six years old again and wanted me to play horsie _

_And I assured him he'd been great._

_

* * *

_

October 5th

_The worst thing to wake up to on a Monday morning_

_Be you blonde, brunette, bookworm, athlete, lover or fighter_

_Is a sex dream._

_Which you realize, now that it's gone, you really bloody enjoyed_

_Fuck._

_

* * *

_

October 6th

_In an early chapter of Plague Dogs, I notice Richard Adams included a good, long paragraph about freedom _

_Its trials, tribulations, rewards and "devoted servants"_

_Which was relative considering the two main characters had just escaped a laboratory_

_That particular paragraph is probably what caused me to dream of Kiku standing on the "free" side of a fence_

_Heracles and I were on the other for some reason, conversing about something probably inconsequential_

_My subconscious apparently thinks I would forget Kiku has troubles similar to mine_

_Yeah, right. _

_We're both imprisoned. Thanks for the fucking reminder._

_

* * *

_

October 8th

_The school's first soccer game!_

_I looked for Alfred in the stands—he wouldn't come for me, but perhaps for his brother?_

_And he had._

_Knowing that, I may as well have downed half a dozen Red Bull, I even kicked the ball out from under the offense's heel _

_He took some serious offense to that, it seems_

_Since in the second half of the game he jumped up and randomly kicked me in the thigh_

_It hurt like all hell, and Matt and this other kid, Trent, had to hold me back to keep from kicking his bratty arse_

_Everyone in the stands was watching that and I looked like a damn fool._

_It's okay, though; just before Matt scored the winning goal, I kicked that jerkoff in the face! HA! _

* * *

October 10th

_I noticed Peter giving me a curious look during breakfast this morning_

_A look which reminds me of the day a long time ago when he came up to me with eyes so innocent_

_And asked me if I like boys_

_My whole body froze with fear and burned with rage…and I said yes_

_It must have shown on my face, because he promised with the solid certainty of a second-grader that he would never tell_

_He's at an age now when he knows what a dark secret it is_

_I was his age when my revolted mind and careless body began to fight for dominance_

_My normality, my logic, all I'd ever known on one side_

_Alfred on the other_

_Guess who won._

_I wonder if it could possibly have turned out the other way, the "normal" way_

_Is that even in my hands? _

_Peter told me later on I had a piece of omelet on my face. Little twat. _

_

* * *

_

October 11th

_Went over to Kiku's house today to watch some Shugo Chara_

_Which he likes because it's cute and full of magical girls, and I because of the mystical little fairy egg-things that surround Amu_

_Kiku loves cute anime, and I like fictional characters who have problems similar to mine and can deal with it_

_We never talk about it outside his house. Ever. _

_Right after Ikuto left Amu staring dumbstruck, Kiku clicked on the pause icon to deliver some (late) news  
_

"_He..Heracles took the drawing I made him and said thank you. And that's all he said."_

_I know his fine, clipped speech, and I know one sentence can represent heartaches as harsh as lightning  
_

"_It was a Persian, wasn't it? Are those his favorites? You need to find out his favorite breed and draw more of those." _

_He smiled and thanked me, and pressed play once more. _

_Doki doki dokiiii…_

_

* * *

_

October 12th

_We began a project in French today which involves presenting a biography of an artist_

_I was put with Marissa Archer, gymnastics and daydreamer extraordinaire, _

_And Luke Worthington, who was inspired to head down the medical career path just because of Hugh Laurie (good damn choice!) _

_Madame LaRue gave us Alexandre Labrie, best known for his portraits of young women in summery settings_

_There's also a minority of young men among the majority of young women subjects, though_

_I turned the page of the reference book and found a blonde man holding a cane, walking determinedly forward_

_He was even thinner than Kiku, sported a monocle, wore a top hat and breeches—I mean he was fucking _British

_But his face was so similar to Alfred's, or my mind wanted it to be similar_

_I couldn't take it, and stormed out without a bathroom pass _

_I stood in a stall in the empty bathroom and dropped my face into my tight hands, ground my teeth_

_He rules my life and mind. I can't help it. _

_

* * *

_

October 14th

_Woke up to Marie and Umbra hovering over me, fanning me with their wings_

_Which made me feel a little more chipper as I waited for the bus with the Beatles in my earbuds _

_But didn't last until third period, that is, Advanced American History_

_In which Alfred leaned across the aisle and, I could swear, murmured into my ear_

"_Hey, did you finish number nine? I didn't get the bit about Davis' election."_

_He may as well have whispered that he was hard; I all but exploded_

"_Why should I give you answers? Read the damn handout, it's right in there!"_

_What is wrong with me._

_Mr. Reagan's glaring made him zip back into his seat._

_I can't remember the last time he initiated conversation with me, and it…just…scared me_

_So I lashed out. Defended myself. Put up a barrier. Pretended to be angry because I didn't know what else to do. Something. _

_I don't know why I did it._

_I…_

_

* * *

_

October 16th

_Today, Marissa caught me just outside the door of our French IV class._

"_Arthur—I like you." _

_I stared. And stared._

"_Well…since the year started, I have. I um, I like your voice, and you're really funny! Do you wanna go out?"_

_I stared more. This is what it feels like to be liked. _

_God, it's so nice._

_I wish I had balls like her._

_She sat on this for a month; I've been cowering for five years_

_If I were in her position and was rejected, I know I'd be completely destroyed_

_So now I'm going out with Marissa. _

_

* * *

_

October 17th

_Marissa came to the game last night with Kiku and I and cheered with us_

_(She says I yell like a drunkard)_

_Today we went to Baskin Robbins and poisoned our arteries Rocky Road and toppings abound  
_

_We shared stories of Madame LaRue we'd learned over the years_

_From her five husbands to the baby she helped deliver on a plane to Lithuania_

_Laughed a hell of a lot, had fun_

_Now that I'm sitting here and thinking about it, I realize what I feel when dating a girl_

_Is rather like the feeling just before anesthesia puts you out for surgery: dulled, different, and definitely not romantic_

_But she honest to god just enjoys my presence, and I won't take that away from her just yet._

_

* * *

_

October 19th

_I neglected to mention the dance that the dance the Student Council organizes each Halloween is coming up_

_Mostly because I've spent every Halloween since I moved to America harvesting candy from Peter _

_But Marissa, again showing her bravery, asked me to attend it with her_

_Hinting not-really-subtly that she wanted to show me off some to her friends_

_Maybe I have a little heterosexuality in me after all: I said I'd be glad to do it, and I meant it_

_To get into Hetalia's Halloween dance you traditionally need seven dollars and a costume_

_I'll be…a pirate!_

_

* * *

_

October 22nd

_Hetalia versus Compton tonight…my fight, not Alfred's_

_(He broke two fingers in his last game in fact, and I spend several minutes every day in history…uh…_

_Well, not chanting or anything, just telling Umbra to use her healing powers on him, and she's been working hard!)_

_Anyway, our performance wasn't the best, and I was really pissed off about it post-game_

_I got a ride home from Katyusha again, an angel in compared to her witch little sister_

_Spent a couple hours sewing up my costume to relax, smiling a little more with each stitch_

…_Not the kind of thing I'll post on Facebook.  
_

_

* * *

_

October 26th

_Good to be back in a Scholar Bowl practice session again! _

_Not thinking about Alfred at all! Nope!_

_Kiku and I had an absolute ball giving the team a basic rundown of the history of Iceland_

_Which amounts to the word "Norwegians," mostly_

_Our resident Norwegian, Alexander, was bored, damn stoic twat _

_It was quite amusing to glance at the others' faces when our knowledge conflicted and we bashed each other in Japanese_

_Once I'd forgotten that Alfred had walked past me in lunch without saying anything, I couldn't have been bothered with the apocalypse!_

_Depressed? Who's depressed, you fucking prick?_

_

* * *

_

October 27th

_After several delays due to Madame LaRue being absent _

_There was a…car chase or something, I hear…_

_We presented our project on Alexander Labrie: I introduced our topic flawlessly, I daresay_

_Luke is all right but can't pronounce _t'aime _to save his life_

_Marissa, standing next to me, tripped over ten words at the most_

_And beamed at me widely when as we returned to our seats among the faint applause_

_I can't believe I'll eventually have to dump such a happy, bright person just for my selfish sexuality_

_It's not fair._

_

* * *

_

October 30th

_Today at lunch I had planned to brag about my pirate costume to Kiku_

_But he had his own story to tell for once, so I graciously let him go first_

_As it turns out, larger and more menacing creatures are aware that Kiku's brain is in fact the Encyclopedia Britannica _

_Three of said parasites surrounded him in his College Algebra class_

_Demanding to have their homework done by morning or else they'd blah blah blah_

_He gave them the statistical rundown of how many teenage prisoners were raped daily in America_

_Sent them walking silently back to their little corner_

_I bought him an ice cream sandwich to congratulate his fending off the bullies himself_

_It doesn't always turn out like that._

_

* * *

_

October 31st

_My costume. Is. Bloody. Ace._

_Red coat, damn sexy black breeches, feathered hat, earrings and an eye patch for a bit of flair_

_Met Marissa outside the gym and felt surprisingly manly being ogled by her girlfriends_

_And a lot of other people, once I got inside; it seems British pirates are quite fancied by Americans_

_Like Alfred._

_Who said I looked "fucking awesome," while standing in fucking attractive chaps and western vest _

_Totally unaware of my just-about-nauseating heart palpitations _

_Pirates and cowboys morphed into movies, so we talked about some favorites:_

_The Princess Bride, and of course, each Indiana Jones._

_He said next weekend I should come over and watch _Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

_I kissed Marissa goodbye—dashingly!—and went home_

_And felt so astoundingly, ungodly, happy…Mum woke me up to tell me I'd fainted on the floor_

_

* * *

_

This chapter is less depressing than the first, I think. Arthur is smoothing more into school life and a little less away from the fact that he hasn't seen Alfred all summer (which I haven't said before because it's not particularly important, but I guess I'll stick it in there somewhere next chapter). Adding, somewhat, to his pile of unfortunate events is Marissa, representing the mask many homosexuals in the past had to wear, and sometimes still do. I hope you all don't dislike her for that. She's a random OC and has no way of knowing Arthur's heart lies elsewhere…

Oh, and you've got to admit he'd definitely glance at Shugo Chara (Kiku would steal it if that weren't just impolite) and yes, Marie and Umbra are a few of his "fairy friends." More on them later.

Other random note: Alexander is Norway, if that wasn't obvious enough. Dunno about most of the fandom, but that's what I call him. (In fact, the _only _other name I've heard given to him is Elias.)

The pirate costume I had in mind (which I did NOT make, btw) for Arthur can be found HERE: http:(slash)(slash)browse(dot)deviantart(dot)com(slash)?qh=§ion;=&q=pirate+england#(slash)d2nwjjs

Mmmm.


	3. November

I return after a year-and-a-half hiatus oh my God D:

I never lost interest in Hetalia, believe me. I've always loved it (and my friends and I don't call each other by country names for no reason!) My Hetalia love was merely overshadowed, for a long time, by my adoration for my number one fandom since age twelve: Naruto. It's a big part of my life and a lot of other series I enjoy simply can't match up to it. But I've been in a strong Hetalia mood since 2012 began (ominous?) and wanted to update my older-but-beloved stories on this account. Starting with this, since it's quite a quick n' easy way to transition back into my Hetalia stories.

I'm not as satisfied with this chapter as I was the first two, but that's probably because I'm pretentious and picky. You, however, can still enjoy.

Btw, again, for those who don't know what Arthur means by "scholar bowl", it's basically a kind of club/organization where you answer tough trivia questions. You and your team will fight against another school team, and the first one to answer something like "Who was the first female winner of the Nobel Peace Prize?" gets a point. Rinse and repeat, get a winner, get a trophy, etc.

* * *

_November 1__st_

_Told Kiku my good fortune, made my family breakfast, still glowing with joy. _

_Today was cold, but I went for a run_

_Trusty iPod in my pocket.  
_

_Peter Gabriel—BRILLIANT man—sang to me about red rain_

_That man's a god, honestly. I've got my own god, though. He's blonde._

_Today was a rare day. Nothing brought me down._

_Countdown till random disaster is…? _

* * *

_November 2__nd_

_Today. Not perfect. I got to thinking about…love. Of fucking course._

_I thought about what insignificant bullshit some people make it out to be. _

_They laugh at it. It's like…_

_You don't adore someone, or always want to hear and be with them._

_You just like them. _

_You don't make love, you just fuck. _

_You don't understand their inner workings, their secret thoughts, _

_Or the small, funny things about them. You notice their ass. _

_Maybe._

_The hell's wrong with people. _

_I'm _in love, _and why is that weird? _

* * *

_November 4__th_

_Tuesday, Marissa's favorite day. She wanted to hang out today but I've got Scholar Bowl. _

_Our practice today was all about religion. Islam, and Buddhism, different branches of Catholicism. _

_Kiku and I are still and itchy, and we hope no one notices._

_One requirement for being gay—or hey, bisexual—is accepting that some part of the world will always hate you. _

_Or curse you. Or exile you. Or hang you. Or jail you. Or beat you. _

_Just because you love. _

_Kiku and I walked home together and we don't say anything. _

_We're quiet together, alone together. Unknown together._

* * *

_November 6__th_

_Practically was PMS-ing in third period today._

_Alfred talked some more about having me over. But it hasn't occurred to the idiot to actually, directly invite me. _

_Bought a cinnamon roll at lunch to calm down and be complacent._

_Matt came by, too, to ask me about an Xbox game (he has "Black Ops fever") _

_It felt good to give him some pointers on it. I feel like a mentor, a guide_

_Someone has advanced and become happy because of me _

_It's a great feeling.  
_

* * *

_November 7__th_

_He appeared right in front of me, with his newest Hurley shirt and his smile. _

"_Arthur! You should come over next weekend to watch Indiana Jones with me, dude!" _

_Finally! God! _

"_So, my mom's cool with it if you wanna come tomorrow. I got two of the movies for us!" _

_My heart stopped, literally. For three seconds, I felt the lack of pulsing blood. _

_Theoretical medical disaster. I didn't care. _

"_All right. Should I bring anything?" _

_He was very serious. Very dark. It made me shiver. "Yes. Bring…a taste for adventure." _

_I'm so bringing it._

* * *

_November 8__th_

_It's been years since I walked to Alfred's house. The path is as familiar as my own hands._

_His house is beautiful and neat, also familiar._

_His parents know and remember me, thanks to Matthew talking about the soccer team._

"_I sure missed you, Arthur. You're probably my son's only friend who can spell 'physics.'" _

_Alfred pretended to be exasperated and we went up to his room. _

_So many sex dreams happened here._

_He popped in _Raiders of the Lost Ark _and gave me a box of Cheez-its. _

_The movie was nostalgic, thrilling. Alfred gasped, cheered, clapped. _

_We watched the second one just the same. I sat next to my true love for two whole movies._

_When it was late, I waved goodbye to them all, and Alfred grabbed my hand._

_He did that thing jocks do with their buds, grasping the other's hand and pulling on it._

"_See you Monday, Arthur!" _

_See you in my dreams tonight. _

* * *

_November 12__th_

_I swore to Marissa we'd go somewhere after soccer practice. She came to watch. _

_Brayden and I tried to get a dozen balls past Matthew. We couldn't, so Coach was ecstatic. _

"_That's the stuff, Matt! Do that tomorrow at Swope Hill and we're golden!" _

_I gave him praise, too, and he walked home looking proud. _

_So he should. _

_Marissa and I went to see Paranormal Activity 2_

_She said she couldn't wait, and she smiled and looked so sweet_

_Just before we went into the theater, I kissed her and I'm pretty sure she liked it._

_She held my hand throughout the movie, and was never scared. _

_It was really nice._

* * *

_November 13__th_

_During lunch today, Kiku, Alexander and I were talking about this quiz in Calculus  
_

_When I was interrupted by my phone beeping its "text received" noise. _

_When the lunch supervisor (Muntz, king of jackasses) was far away, _

_I checked my phone and saw Peter's name. It said:_

_Hey big bro, ilu! _

_That's…that's…aw. He's thirteen and is already man enough to admit that. _

_I texted him back: _

_Peter, you're a loud and tactless brat and ilu, too. _

* * *

_November 15__th_

_Saturday. One week ago I was in Alfred's room. _

_The leaves outside are all shades of autumn, Kiku might be drawing them now._

_I'd like to think about how nice they look, or Marissa, or going to the video store. _

_Anything. Can't, though. _

_Umbra is flying around my room and yelling. _

_I can hear Aljan and Ringo whispering. _

_I think I'll take the bus to Borders today_

_And pick up a book on therapy, on hearing voices._

_There's a point when this stops being funny. _

* * *

_November 17__th_

_My least favorite unicorns are still whispering in my ear._

_It's freaking me out now. They're talking about spiraling down to hell_

_And all the ways I can die. _

_It reminds me of this manga, Uzumaki. _

_Screw Kiku for making me read that. _

_In third period, I turned to my only salvation (I wish)_

_Who was busy ignoring me and forgetting how to spell Boston_

_Marissa was upset at a relative's death, so I had to be her salvation too_

_I held her while she cried._

_Kiku looked at me from his bus; we didn't talk today. _

* * *

_November 18__th_

_Marissa is absent today for a funeral. I captured Kiku before second period_

_Asked what was wrong, and asked again when he denied_

_He can't hide sadness as well as I can._

"_It's…a boy in my chemistry class. He called me a fag, and…"_

_Jesus. We both had worn out "straight" masks for years. Who had seen through us? _

"_He said if he ever saw me doing 'gay stuff' he'd break my legs. I just walked away."_

_I told him to tell me the fucker's name. He did. _

_Gilbert Beilschmidt will find a soccer cleat up his ass very soon._

* * *

_November 20__th_

_During passing period today, I threw my soccer ball at Gilbert's head. _

_(Had to turn down another hall to protect my gayness, though_

_He'd suspect me too if he, or anyone, saw me defending Kiku for this.) _

_Still. Fucking awesome. I wish Alfred had seen. _

_The story will reach him through the grapevine soon_

_Someday I'll him it was me, and he'll think I'm fucking awesome for taking care of my friend_

_Someday. Don't know when. _

* * *

_November 21__st_

"_It's Friday, Friday, gonna get down on Friiiday" _

_Alfred was singing that godawful song today in history class. Even Mr. Morrison laughed._

_It made my heart, my head, every part of me, flutter and turn light_

_His academics are shit, but he can brighten anyone and anything _

_And God, is he beautiful. _

_It wasn't until after class I realized the unicorns had quieted so I could hear Alfred._

_He was, at least in that moment, the cure for my voices. _

_Jesus fuck…_

* * *

_November 24__th_

_Alfred assaulted me after school today. _

"_Dude, I totally forgot to say this earlier, but accept my damn friend request!" _

_He seemed baffled, adorably so, (I-wish-I-could-kiss-you-so)_

_When I explained I hadn't touched Facebook in two weeks. _

"_Oh my God. What is wrong with you. Get on there, like, fast. Shit, gotta go bye!" _

_He ran off to his bus, and I ran off to Facebook _

_It's absurd how happy this has made me. _

_The unicorns have stopped talking to me._

_More and more, it seems Alfred makes them go away, and I think that's good. _

* * *

_November 25__th_

_Last school day before Thanksgiving break _

_Kiku bought up Heracles at lunch _

_(I'm such an ass for forgetting to talk about him lately…)_

"_I draw him a cat almost every day before class starts. He expects it now."_

_His smile was sweet and radiated pride, which he deserves  
_

_I pray Kiku is able to get used to wearing that smile_

"_So he knows you now. You're a part of his day he doesn't like to do without._

"_I'm happy for you."_

_Happy, yes, and jealous. _

* * *

_November 27__th_

_Thanksgiving Day, gobble gobble_

_I did not just write that. I'm not even American. _

_Me, Mum, Peter and the grandparents feasted on drumsticks and gravy_

_And each other's presence. _

_Our family is small but tight, and grateful_

_We are missing a father but there's plenty of love for all_

_I was contemplating that, and stealing Peter's last turkey slice_

_When I got a text:_

"_Sup dude its Al. your lil Jap friend gave me your number. Hit me up sometime."_

_My stomach almost "hit up" my food when I read it. _

* * *

_November 29__th_

_Too scared to "hit up" Alfred. _

_What should I talk about? _

_Should I talk in "chatspeak" so I don't seem pretentious? _

_If I ask about his Thanksgiving, will I look bland? _

_Should I call him Al? _

_I've never done that before. _

_I settled for texting Kiku instead, who said he met Alfred at the grocery store_

_And that he found an opportunity to do me a favor _

_Next time we meet he'll receive a spine-crushing bro hug. _

* * *

_November 30__th_

_Today I moved metaphorical mountains by texting Alfred for the first time _

_And felt a metaphorical gun at my head while I awaited his reply_

_To my retarded "ready for history tomorrow?" text. _

_His reply was swift and sweet._

"_Hellz yeah! Imma ace the quiz!"_

_And right after, "Wait sorry its math where i got a quiz, my gf reminded me."_

_And right after, there was a metaphorical nuclear winter within me: silence, death, nothing._

_I'd always managed to block out the fact that he was probably straight anyway. _

* * *

Before anything, does anyone else know the manga Arthur mentioned, Uzumaki? It's…it's terrifying. I applaud the creator's talent for horror, but I could not sleep soundly for four days because of it. It's about a small town being terrorized by all things spiral-shaped. Go and read the manga if you wish to find out more. And then you'll wish you hadn't.

Anyway…I return after a year-and-a-half hiatus oh my God D: But I already covered that. What I didn't cover was that I _really _wanted to update my DenNor fanfiction but I thought this was an easier way to get into the Hetalia groove again. DenNor will come quite soon! Anyway. Back to THIS story.

This was the chapter where I meant for Arthur and Alfred to begin their friendship, and it kiiinda happened. Facebook friend requests, phone number swapping, and a visit to Alfred's home, though you're free to guess how much any of that means to Alfred himself (or how much his girlfriend means to him, for that matter, not that Arthur, who hides his sexuality, could do or openly say anything about it). And did you notice that I'm portraying Arthur's "magical friends" as negative, at least sometimes? The fairies, Marie and Umbra, have been quite good to him, and his unicorn buddies, Aljan and Ringo, used to be lovely prancing ponies on the edge of his vision but recently began spouting some ugly things into his consciousness. Why is that happening? Why does he hallucinate magical creatures in the first place? Why does Alfred's presence and voice tend to make them go away? Idk. Really.

Thanks for reading!


	4. December

Look at me, updating after a few months instead of after a year. It's progress, though the quality of my progress is for you to judge. Enjoy this newest chapter, while I enjoy my China/Yao necklace that I bought on Etsy and will love for all time.

* * *

_December 1st_

_Tuesday, returned to school with a new gift and a new burden_

_Umbra said she would try and make me feel better, and mysteriously,_

_During announcements this morning, they played "Jingle Bells"_

_How nice to hear that (and see Tino dancing to it before class) _

_I think I'll just black out third period: much beloved AP history_

_Where Alfred said "What's up" _

_And had a massive hickey on his neck. _

* * *

_December 2__nd_

_Soccer season is done, but Matt came by for just that_

"_Once school's out, would you like to go the park? Kick it around?"_

_I said sure, and when we left, he walked with his head bowed_

_He was acting like Peter, following me, trying to reach out _

_So I reached out, too and he nearly fell apart_

"_Al sneaks out of the house at night to see this girl…_

_And comes back looking high or something. _

_He's been coming back worse and worse. _

_You're his friend, he thinks you're cool…can you talk to him? Please?"_

_Matt is worried and hurting here so my gleeful explosion over being the cool kid _

_Will just have to wait till later, for a silent night in my bedroom _

_I told him I would try._

* * *

_December 3__rd_

_Tried to talk to Alfred today. Really. But didn't know what to say._

_Matt waits for an answer I was too cowardly to retrieve _

_I'm worried about those brothers, but I'm also worried about mine_

_This morning, just before Mom could call us down, _

_Peter tried to talk about Dad_

_All my allegedly composed, elegant vocabulary_

_Gone_

_I feel like a failure today. _

* * *

_December 4__th_

_I did talk to him today. _

"_Mattie sent you to slap me on the hand, huh? Aw, little wimp. _

_Don't worry, man, it's just my girlfriend and me havin' fun. No harm."_

_My worry, disguised as Matt's, exploded, roared _

"_coming home looking drugged off your ass/you're going to crash and burn/how dare you"_

_I've never yelled at him before. Never. But he smiled. _

"_A little weed never hurt anybody, man. We're not bothering other people or anything."_

_He's always been quite stupid. And Umbra was encouraging me, so: _

"_Except your own stupid ass, Alfred. And your family if they find out."_

_But my love smiled, twisted my heart. "I'll leave her if shit starts getting bad, 'kay? Tell Mattie that."_

_I did, and watched his body sink, so despairing _

_Alfred is probably off somewhere smiling still. _

* * *

_December 7__th_

_Kiku's day today. His family is hardcore Pearl Harbor remembrance. _

_Alfred is hardcore "Let's go visit the Pearl Harbor museum even though it's in Hawaii." _

_He's wanted to do that with a class since middle school, when I first met him._

_That love for history never died._

"_Come on, Mr. Morrison, if everybody pays we can sign some permission slips and go, right?_

_And we'll make T-shirts for the class! 'Third period to Pearl Harbor!'" _

_The class thought it was pretty hilarious. _

_Kiku stayed quiet, wherever he was, as did I_

_While Ringo imagined up a girlfriend and tore her to bleeding bits  
_

* * *

_December 9__th_

_Date night with Marissa. I brought her to my house _

_(About damn time I blatantly reinforced the hetero mask for Mom)_

_Peter knows she's a cover. Still likes her, though. _

_She loves word games so we played Scrabble _

_She insisted 'lesbianity' was a word to obtain victory_

_Once she was gone—with a kiss goodbye—_

_I rushed to Facebook for the bane of my existence_

_He hasn't posted there since the day before Matt came to me. _

_Could mean absolutely nothing_

_Except that I'm an obsessed homo stalker_

_But I'm so worried… _

* * *

_December 10__th_

_East coast takes a bloody long time to give a good snow day _

_Snowball struck my best jacket like a fucking rhinoceros _

_Which led to Kiku, Elizaveta, Ivan and me (lord, what a mix) _

_Playing like ten-year-olds for four hours. _

_Call me senile—many people do—_

_But it was nice to play around and forget my troubles for a time_

_Perhaps Alfred is doing just that with his girlfriend:_

_Forgetting troubles. _

_I don't even know what troubles he has anymore. _

* * *

_December 11__th_

_The school's always been good at adding some Christmas flair to the halls_

_That, and Kiku's text conversation last night _

_(we talked about Madoka Magica, goddamned brilliant girly anime) _

_Distracted me till I nearly didn't see Matt storm past me to the gym _

_The gossip chain insists he called his brother a "hopeless, fat fuck"_

_In front of two teachers. _

_Online, I pleaded him for the story and answer_

_Inside, I prayed. _

_What did I miss while I played like a stupid child in the snow yesterday? _

* * *

_December 11__th__, Part 2_

_I dislike writing two entries a day. _

_But I have to chronicle this. Matt's reply. _

_He threatened to tell his parents about his brother's girlfriend _

_And, so simply, Alfred caved, claimed to be done with such things_

_Not the girlfriend, though _

"_I'm a suckish big-brother role model, I know, but I'm not a fuckin' druggie, okay?"_

_Matt said thank you for helping to save him _

_Aljan whispers in my ear that that's bullshit_

_But he can stick a dragon horn up his ass_

* * *

_December 13__th_

_Fifty degrees is December heatwave, so I went for a run. _

_Had a guitar solo in my ear buds, but a voice cut through _

_Alfred was behind me, surprised, happy, grateful_

_And I, too tired to fidget and flush like a preteen girl_

"_I'm guessing my bro texted you about Alejandra?" _

_Alejandra. (you horrid bitch you could have ruined him) _

_He thanked me. Put his arm around me. Said he was happy to have a smart friend. Then:_

"_Dude, you should come over more often." _

_We walked and talked for four blocks, blissfully alone_

_Blissful sun on his hair and mine_

_So we matched, were equally warm_

_Till I came home with that sweet and pulsing ache_

_Looks like back to business as usual._

* * *

_December 14__th__ (Note: Matt's hockey game tomorrow. Will attend.)_

_Woke up knowing I would go to Alfred's house today, _

_Sailed through my calculus test, the college prepping papers, Davidson's new seating chart_

_Even poor Peter. But I'll make it up to him later. _

_Oh my God, I walked home with Alfred. _

_Like we were fourteen again_

_But we've grown bigger and my pathetic heart's grown fonder _

_Every word and laugh and energized step _

_All those small nuances of himself he doesn't know, but I do_

_Made me melt and collapse completely _

_It's only because he's a goddamned airhead that he didn't notice_

_Being pathetically in love warmed my freezing walk home_

* * *

_December 15__th_

_Perhaps 'busy' is a good thing to be_

_Fire drill this morning (interesting conversation with Feliciano about Lolcats)_

_Francis texted me for the first time since the dawn of the dinosaurs _

_We put up the giant Christmas tree at home_

_Traveled to the rink downtown to see Matt turn into a vicious offense _

_And his cheering brother, pulling my eyes away_

_Still feeling traces of him on me, or I want to believe I do…_

_I have that, and a peaceful night ahead of me _

_I know what kinds of dreams I'll have soon. _

* * *

_December 16__th_

_Today I thought about progress_

_In June, I'm done with high school forever. College awaits._

_The natural order of things obliges me to leave my family, my home_

_And assume I can scrape up a new one _

_And a career on top of it. A university. A new life, a new stage_

_On-off daydreams of being a lawyer are all I have in that department_

_I haven't even made progress in my own stage_

_(Subsisting on scraps, watching, wishing) _

_I'm scared about having to deal with this new one as well_

* * *

_December 18__th_

_A fine Friday for seeing a movie with Kiku_

_We haven't hung out in a while, it seems. _

_We caught up on each other. _

_(Spoke some Japanese to him for the first time in forever)_

_Hearing stories from my best friend feels nice. _

_Wonder how he felt hearing my stories about Alfred, _

_Since he interrupted them. _

"_Arthur, I…I wonder why you still have not asked him…_

_Why he hasn't spoken to you since ninth grade?"_

"_No."_

"_Please do it. I know you wonder. I know it will make you feel better to say it."_

"_Feel better? I know the answer already. I wasn't worth remembering." _

"_Do not say that," Kiku scolded me, but he was weak. _

* * *

_December 20__th_

_Kiku's words from yesterday are still resonating _

_He's too wise for someone our age_

_Did he mean I'm a coward, or that I should face my fear?_

_It's Christmastime, I shouldn't feel so sad_

_I should be thinking about family, not my own lack of a love life_

_Before today I felt I was making some progress_

_That feeling has dissolved now_

_I'm no closer.  
_

* * *

_December 21__st_

_First day of Christmas Break, and I've decided to focus on family more_

_I finally went and got Peter the Donkey Kong game he wanted _

_This and Mum's special German chocolate are craftily hidden in my room_

_(It sure would be nice to drive my own car and not my Mum's)_

_But after getting gifts, Ringo and Aljan came, for hours_

_And there's a new one now, a black reptilian thing _

_Swimming outside my window_

_Drifting where he can watch me _

_I was used to ignoring my hallucinations _

_They seem stronger than ever now and it's scaring me. _

* * *

_December 22__nd_

_Peter wanted me to play his embarrassing dancing Kinect game _

_Because I'm a good elder brother, I did _

_Never will I indulge to anyone how much fun that was _

_Peter says my skills are, apparently, so awesome_

_I should invite Alfred over and show him. _

_He's trying to help. _

_My face fell into a red blush, noiseless emotion_

_He knows the truth of me, keeps it loyally close, and still I froze. _

_My brother has never really seen me react like that_

_Never seen the true vulnerability _

"…_It's okay, Arthur. At least he's your friend now. _

_That's like…a step in the right direction? And stuff?"_

_I have the fucking best little brother. _

* * *

_December 24__th_

_Mum made reindeer shaped cookies _

_Orgasmic when dipped in milk_

_I did my Jingle Bell Rock routine just for Peter_

_Who believes I'm a secret rockstar just for that _

_And it's a white Christmas, too_

_White Christmas Eve. Whatever._

_Today has been excellent. _

_It's possibly the last Christmas I spend living with family_

_No dwelling on that now_

_Tomorrow's a big day._

_~jingle bell jingle bell jingle bell ROCKKK!~_

* * *

_December 25__th_

_Day of gifts, of family and love, and wrapping paper all over the place_

_And the annual picture of the Kirkland sons buried in it _

_Mum sends it right back to the grandparents in England _

_Hours of movies and holiday foods _

_A tsunami of "Merry Christmas" texts _

_Today I'm not lovesick, I'm not hiding, I'm not a liar, I'm not scared _

_Just happy. _

* * *

_December 27__th_

_9:15 AM one of my secret fantasies came to life _

_Or so it seemed when he rang my doorbell this morning _

_How the fuck does he even remember where I live? _

"_Wassup Arthur! Never told you this, but I got this tradition thing goin'._

_My dad drives me to my friends' houses on the twenty-seventh_

_And I give them presents and stuff! So here's yours, bro!" _

_A soccer ball keychain and English tea_

_You scatterbrained fuck, I love you I love you _

_This is not a joke, this is not bullshit teenage lust_

_You hardly know me, but I can't ever forget you, or anything you do_

_He left as quick as he'd come, speeding gallantly away_

_Did Matt tell him where I live? _

_Did he remember? DID HE REMEMBER? _

* * *

_December 28__th_

_Kiku suggested that I start writing him love letters_

_He even offered to drop them in Alfred's locker_

_Everyone would believe he's just the messenger _

_(from one of those girls who thinks he's Adorkably Asian) _

_I've been replaying all my memories of Alfred Forrest Jones _

_Seeing again those days with him, making up days that could be _

_Silently re-imagining the nights with him_

_I think Kiku's onto something and I might just do it _

_It might officially label me the girliest man ever _

_Oh well. _

* * *

O December chapter, December chapter, wherefore* art thou so UNSATISFYING DX

(* "wherefore" means _why, _not _where_)

Not kidding, I did not much like this chapter, I felt again and again I didn't really know where I was going with it. I was, however, so clever as to actually make Arthur himself say that in his diary entries. Even he acknowledges that not enough is happening in his progress(?) with Alfred. He may have helped him turn away from a freak girlfriend who tried to turn him on to drugs, and become a part of his sect of friends so special that Alfred personally hand-delivers their Christmas presents, but this isn't exactly what Arthur is hoping for in the end. On the other hand, he's not sure how to get to where he wants to be, either. So used to sitting on the sidelines and pining.

At some point I will finally address why/how Alfred seemingly forget Arthur existed after their ninth grade year. It's no big surprise, really, Alfred honest-to-God just _forgot _about him, which is taking normal scatterbrained-ness to Beyond Ridiculous levels, but isn't that what Alfred F. Jones and his beloved, exaggerated country are all about?

PS: Does anyone agree with Arthur about Madoka Magica, about its being a "brilliant girly" anime? I love it so, ripping apart and re-creating the "magical girl" steretype.


End file.
